That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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