you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There are leaves in my underwear?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
