Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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