I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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