he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
