The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
