babies were throwing up all over the place
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we're so committed to being not committed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
