Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
