I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
