Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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