She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
