genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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