we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
