I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
