is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
