oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
