i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize