I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
