Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
