In the future we'll all be gay
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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