my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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