NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was CRYING into my vagina
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
