i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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