I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
