Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
