im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
