i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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