i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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