i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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