I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize