I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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