Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
