He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
