y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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