He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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