Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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