my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
