Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
