Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
