You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
