She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
