just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize