he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
