If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize