I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
