I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
