Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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