i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's shark week go big or go home
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
