Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
