best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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