When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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