i permit you to call me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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