I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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