I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
