Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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