apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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