I cockslap morals
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
