I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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