right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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