Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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