When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
