once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
