Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
