Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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