im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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