my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
