I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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