peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
