Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize