What did we do last night that was yellow?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
