Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
