you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
