and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The beer is more important than you right now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
