I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are we still banned from the library?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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