Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
