I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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