Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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