Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
