just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
